is this what i was supposed to be…
this question, in my mind, bugging me for the last.. — I don’t really remember how long it has been —

Even though it is not regular, time to time I forget about it in the daily life of a normal human being. Yes once in a while I tend to be / strive to be normal.

—One question might come to mind.

“What is normal?”
“What the hell is being normal?”
“Who cares what being normal anyway?”

Yes once in a while I strive to be normal, live a normal life, conduct normal activities, interact with normal people… I am so amateur with this so called, generally known/accepted, “Normal standard”

Yes once in a while I wrote. And on those particular, highly normal moments I FAIL! I fail miserably! That is why I am stuck at being an amateur, which I am sure, what I am still going to be in the near future…

As if a miracle can happen!?

I do not believe, I did not and probably i will not. I wish I had believed Santa or any other fantasy character in some point in my childhood. I would definitely be one happy child on some occasions.

Let alone having childish beliefs and thinking about how silly I was, I can not even think about my childhood. Even though I knew I wasn’t going to be successful, I remember, I seeked out the depths of my memory to get a glimpse of something that I could name as a childhood.

I could neither explain nor believe what I have found there, in the depths of my memories. I sound like I wasn’t aware of it. —no it is not the issue here— I am living the aftermath, seeing and experiencing the results of it, ofcourse I am fully aware.

It is just, living in the aftermath and living what caused it are totally different things. I am not sure if it can be called living tho, might as well call it remembering.

Where was I? Just about to write on “Life’s Destined Events” Ah well maybe another time. Arrived where I am supposed to be, about to get off the bus.

Writing here is a pain anyway…

15th Jan 2010 20:37 Istanbul —K

PS: Goes well with Gathering